Some people self destruct when they get stressed. If we are being honest, most people do. There are different ways to go about it; some drink day in and day out to feel something other than overwhelming stress or negative thoughts. Some people turn to drugs to distract them from their life.
My self destruction isn’t as bad as all that, but it does end up making my life harder. I know this, but I can’t seem to avoid it. The only thing that ever stresses me out is money. I’m always financially behind, constantly playing catch up and never getting ahead. I’ve been laid off for a month now, I get unemployment but it’s not nearly enough. I started driving for Lyft and Uber, that gets me enough money but I have to do it a lot to get anything from it. I have so many bills, as well as a ton of debt, and sometimes it just becomes too much for my brain to handle. My form of self destruction is spending money I don’t have. Whether it’s going to restaurants instead of cooking at home, buying stuff I dont really “need” but I feel like I need it, or just other luxuries that I could forsake but choose not to. I know its stupid, and childish, but I also feel like I would go insane otherwise. It’s the only thing I would consider a vice, and I hate it.
I’m gonna work on fixing that problem, though I would need more hands than my two to count how many times I’ve said that before. Ironically enough, when I actually have enough money to do extra stuff I am more thrifty and don’t spend near as much. It’s like my brain wants to be defiant opposing my bank account. Maybe someday I’ll grow up.
Submissive Angel 