I’ve been having major struggles with my image the last couple days. I dont know what it is, just out of nowhere suddenly I feel fat, plain, and disgusting. Now I’m 5’4 and 130 lbs. The logical part of me knows I’m not fat. But when my mind turns against me, I can literally feel every single bit of body fat I have weighing me down and it feels as if I’m 300 lbs instead. My soft mildly squishy tummy turns into a giant fat sack of bloated grossness in my head. My thighs have some muscle from soccer, some fat too but not much. In my head they turn into cellulite covered, stretch marked unsightly thunder thighs. My face is kinda square shaped, my cheekbones are in a good position to be considered attractive I guess, but in my head its pudgy, red and splotchy.
When a girl doesnt believe you if you call her beautiful, usually its because she doesnt see what you see. What I just described is how I see myself presently, but according to other people there is nothing further from the truth than my own self image. The mirror is a cold hearted bitch, and it feeds on any and every slight insecurity, building on it until it physically manifests in front of our minds eye. I hate it when I get like this. It affects my attitude, my dancing, and my relationships. I catch myself thinking about eating and thinking “nah, I dont need anymore calories today” even though the only thing I may have eaten all day is a cookie. Or a sandwich. I may feel hungry, but in my head its “if I dont eat at all maybe my body will consume this disgusting fat covering me.”
Be careful what you say about people. Whether you say it to them or to someone else about them, you never know what kind of inner thoughts people are struggling with. You never know until you walk in someone else’s shoes. Words have the power to cut deep, because once something is said it can never be taken back. Even if you apologize, harsh words will always be knocking around someone’s skull in the back of their subconscious, affecting the person they are. Be kind or say nothing at all.
Submissive Angel 